TOUGH LOVE 1 & 2
As he got deeper into the bush he had a swarm of mixed emotions, the most prominent of them being fear and doubt. Right then he could stand anywhere and boldly claim to know what fear smells like, a stench that was so strong in the air thanks to the massive volumes of adrenalin pumping through his veins, it dint smell good at all. On second thought though, Quincy realized it. That wasnt fear polluting the serene forest atmosphere. That bastard Tola had gone ‘tear-gas’ again. The motherfucker.
“God wan punish you abi?'” Quincy beamed. Tola not seeming in the least beat pertubed laughed and reiterated, “signature bitch”. Quincy still couldnt believe he agreed to come this far with tha idiot Tola. the end justifies the means, he always thought to himself, but even he knew that was just a cheap excuse. He was about to mess with the devil and no excuse could blind him to that fact.
Lord knows he wouldnt have taken such extreme measures if only Halima had said yes to him one of the thousand times he pledged undying love to her. Quincy exhausted every technique in the Book of Paroles to no avail. He had spent all of his allowance on this P, hell he even stole some of Timi’s but Halima wouldnt budge. He had tried everything humanly possible to get this girl to give it up, ‘guess its time to try the humanly impossible’ he remembers thinking to himself just before tola walked in.
Quincy was sold to the idea immediately TeeFwesh told him about it. KOKOMYCIN he called it. “nigga that shit worked like magic for me man!” tola said, “after baba hooked me up even kay give am to me, you know that law girl wey too dey form naa”. Quincy dint have to over-think it, he was so down. According to tola the process wasnt all that tideous. “we just gotta go there first thing on sunday morning, the address is never the same but dont worry i’ll ping baba now. Just that, as soon as he gives us the address you gats walk naked through whichever forest it is we’ll go to, you’ll know his shrine when you see it”.
Five days later here he was scratching mosquito bites on his cock, walking through oko-aiye forest and getting involuntarily fat off tola’s fart. “told you you’ll know the place when we get there” tola said as he pointed to a large electronic bill-board by the path with ‘21stCENTURY BABALAWO’ boldly sliding through the top of it, and other info like twitter handle, instagram, facebook page and also a website printed inches below. As he stepped in, he could hear music blasting loud it sounded like a remix of DavidO’s dami duro. Sick old bastard changed the lyrics to ‘emi omo babalawo’.
This babalawo dint look anything like the nollywood movies depicted though. He was rocking a black ‘medusa head’ Versace t-shirt on a black pair of jeans covered halfway by a kanyewest-esque skirt only this one was red leather with cowry-prints. ‘Make your payment by that corner” baba said. Apparently confused, Quincy said “baba tola dint tell me about any payment”. Giggling now, tola pulled him to a corner and told him “bruv I forgot to tell you, you have to masturbate five rounds and pour the juices into the silver bowl by that end’. Quincy couldn’t comprehend the humor here, he was actually supposed to have five rounds of sex with himself and donate his semen to some diabolical project? This was way more than he bargained for.
Quincy got to it eventually, he had no choice. Baba made it clear to him, “no one turns his back on baba, but you’re welcome to try”. Five rounds in the pot, Quincy could see blisters formed on both his palms. The rug burns on his schmuck will be an eternal reminder of the worst 3 minutes of his life. ‘five rounds in three minutes, mehn I don improve oh’ he caught himself thinking. Baba immediately began the process, which involved a kokomycin-filled syringe and quincy’s pee-hole.
The way home wasn’t funny at all, his JohnTom felt like it weighed a tonne. This experienced definitely left him a changed man and Halima would soon know all about that.
There was no longer anything mini about Quincy’s mini-me. In fact, the clause ‘no longer’ used in the last sentence seems entirely out of place, since his amadihad now reached miraculous lengths. Quincy felt like going to testify to the glory of Orunmila. If only he knew where to find Baba, the shrine’s address had changed again and Baba made it clear to him “this is a one-time deal, no man alive has seen Baba twice and retained his testicles”. Quincy still couldn’t believe the amount of change in his 5th limb, ‘I mean just a night ago this idiot was looking like shriveled sausage’. Before kokomycin, his koboko wasn’t worth a kobo. It was fat alright, but that’s all there was to it. Cut Shrek’s thumb in four places, then you’ll have a vague image of what it looked like. Not to mention the 60o upward tilt distorting fat matt. It had all changed though, so much that Quincy felt the need for a rebranding. What he called ‘humble john’ before, he now called ‘JUPITERS COCK’.
After two straight hours staring at JUPITER’S COCK, he snapped out of it. ‘omo I dey mad yeah? Kokomycin is mainly a touch-and-follow concoction na! I’ve not even tried out its potency in that aspect’ he thought to himself. Immediately he jumped into the bath in preparation for an epic straffathon. While having his bath, Quincy noticed that whenever he lathered his body he felt a dire need to ‘do it’ with himself. This was quite disturbing at first, he couldn’t quite decide if it was the kokomycin so potent it was affecting even him or just because he was in awe of JUPITER’S COCK. After 2 seconds of arguing with himself he gave up altogether and gave JC some TLC.
First stop was Taiwo’s. He called her after dressing up and told her he had some vanilla ice-cream that wouldn’t lick itself. This hundred level girl whom he met at the club proved quite difficult initially but after a persistent 5 minutes of psyching she told him he could come over. Apparently even she proved susceptible to the power of vanilla ice. As if it was by teleportation, Quincy was at Taiwo’s doorstep in about four minutes. “knock knock, honey it’s Q”. “who’s your honey? Just so we’re clear, the only reason you’re here is cuz I can’t resist vanilla” Taiwo replied as she opened the door. Immediately he saw her, he gently touched her on the cheek, and that was it. He literally saw her frowns turn to smiles. “oh my gosh! Why do I want you so much Quincy” she said as she sprung on him kissing him like her father’s bank account depended on it. Quincy wasn’t really one for foreplay, to him it wasn’t foreplay if it dint involve JC’s foreskin. Yes, Quincy was the only uncircumcised igbo boy in recorded human history. He made taiwo go down low first of all, as she was on her knees, he whipped out JUPITER’S COCK. He could see her mouth hang open in awe, then with an ear-ear grin he introduced JC to Taiwo’s orals before a house fly beat him to it. After a 50 minute romp, Quincy was convinced every one of Taiwo’s neighbors knew his name now, as that was all she screamed when she wasn’t begging all the Yoruba folk gods for mercy. Ringtones went from “quincy quincy fxck me” to “sango e joor shaanumi” to “ogun oooooh”. This was by far the freakiest and best Quincy ever had, he heaved a sigh of relief as he removed the 5th ripped condom. “damn Q, you’re za god-fxcker” Taiwo said as he left her room in smiles.
The day had been the best Quincy ever experienced; he struggled hard to put a number to the amount of girls he spanked as he enthusiastically told Yemi all about his sexcapades. “Bro, I dey tell you. After all the girls I hit today I didn’t even remember Halima” quincy bellowed, “right now I couldn’t care less about that Halima girl, it’s Quincy for the ladies bruh!”. Yemi could not believe his ears, but his eyes convinced him. His mouth hung agape as he watched what appeared to be a sextape with Quincy mercilessly pounding and Aisha, the school’s top model screaming at the top of her lungs, if the video came with a pleasure scale, from the look of things Aisha would surpass the max point. Yemi watched a couple more sextapes while Quincy gulped a cocktail of malta guinness, alomo and peak milk. After hours of reminiscing with Quincy, Yemi fell asleep bursting into a fit of snoring which prompted Quincy to tap him behind the head, “baba park well oh! E be like say u wan sleep for outside” Quincy warned Yemi who turned round, smiled and mumbled something tha sounded like “I love you queen”. “animal!” Quincy replied,” better quit snoring before you go dey knack queen for dream”. He then had a long yawn, after which he fell asleep too.
‘why’s this idiot touching me allover?’ Quincy heard himself think as he felt Yemi’s hands crawling the lengths of his body. He was certain this was a dream, he just didn’t know why he would have this kind of gay dream. He was all sorts of disturbed though, dream-yemi kept kissing, touching and licking his body continually muttering sickening stuff like “quincy I love you”. Quincy tried hard to wake up, all efforts meeting with futility. To make matters worse, dream-yemi started pulling his boxer shorts. As he tried even harder to wake, a sharp jolt of pain shot up his spines from behind, forcing his eyelids open.
… to be continued.
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